Pretty sleeping patterns

Sleep isn't coming home any time soon, and I'm tired of waiting up for it. Keep checking the time, but it hardly makes me feel any better. Weather today was the colour of gravestones. Still, work was peaceful and passed swiftly, and I've written 2850 words of a 4000 word essay in just over 24 hours, so, when I'm actually done complaining about meteorological events that I have no control over, I have to concede that it's been a good day.

Had a 10-hour power cut yesterday that scuppered my original essay-writing plans. If I can't stick to my original preparations, I feel as if it's all going to turn to hell. Maybe a residual element of this carried into today, hence the weather-based foreboding. Anyway, that was a very long power cut. I drove to Asda and bought candles (seems like half of Hales Place had the same idea as me only hours before, because all that was left was posh, lightly-scented ones that did the job, but gave the house a sort of Gothic/amateur porn video look). I went and sat in the office at work, then I stayed over at Fran and Chiara's, all in order to continue with the essay. Managed to chip away at it quite well.

It's always the same with essays; I make reams of multicoloured notes, emphatically digging out all the information, and when it comes to putting it all into a decipherable entity I suddenly feel something along the lines of 'Oh my god, I've researched the wrong thing!' or 'Oh my god, this is completely illegible!' I browse the Internet for a few minutes, then I get going. Once I've made the leap from daunting slab of marble to first chip of the sculpture (not trying to say my essays are works of art or anything quite so sanctimonious) I am very much away.

..oh god, just had a flicker in the lights..
.. power might go out again soon..
.. I don't think those Scottish 100% quarter pounder beefburgers with herbs will last another half-defrosting..

Anyway, nothing I can do about it. I wonder if Fran and Chiara are still up and about..?

I've wanted very much this week to get up early and go swimming each morning, but lack of sleep has prevented me from achieving this. I remember the last term of my first year was enriched by daily trips to the swimming baths, followed by hard revision and essay work, all of which made me happily fall asleep by midnight ready to do it all again the next day. This year so far, the earliest I've found myself nodding off has been 2am - the latest, 6:15am. This is not good enough if I want to be up by 7:30am. And, yes, it's true; the older I get the more sleep I need. I think, if I can't get up that early, I need to do things to make myself very tired like running around the block (or at least walking even further). It seems that just having the occasional anxiety attack isn't actually what qualifies as exercise. Of course, the last term was in the summer, so that was enough to make me want to be up and about nice and early. This weather makes me just want to dash from one sofa to the next in as quick a time as possible. I will pick up some exercise soon and I will stop wasting your time with this.

Whenever I do feel out of sorts, I find that something usually comes my way that brings me out of it with a shock, reminding me why I do what I do. Reminding me how to adore things all over again. It's my nature to get deep into the things that don't need such depth, but it is also my nature to come out the other side electric with that which surrounds me. I've had conversations recently with people that have just come along and reminded me of everything all at once.

I need you to know that our talking means everything to me, it's the reason why I keep going.

Facts, desires, sleeping patterns.
What offends you?
House mate's bizarre nocturnal habits.
Dreams about losing teeth.
That perfume again.
Good car journey.
Mutual respect.
Do you think you could work here?
That Raymond Carver story again.
Giggling under my duvet.
Fear of judgement over the phone.
An album bought and an album loved.
How long since we spoke?
Do we need to take things this seriously?
Calm now.
Just keep quiet for a moment.

The power might cut out any second.
Just keep quiet for a moment.

Keep it up.

1 comment:

  1. good luck with both the essay and the electricity. As Huey Lewis once may have said "life is too short for powercuts when i have a deadline, motherfuckers"